Tips for When You Don’t Agree on Wedding Plans
It’s no secret that wedding planning is a fun, but stressful time in your life! There are parties, cake tastings, bridal appointments, and meetings with photographers and videographers. But there is also a wedding budget, two people with opinions, and families that want to be involved too. This can easily cause some disagreements. When you don’t agree on wedding plans, it can lead to stress and maybe a few arguments and hurt feelings for all involved. So how do you get past these moments?
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When moments get tough, the first reaction is often to defend your position. But often all this does in drag you deeper into an argument. Practice listening not only to what is being said, but what isn’t. Is this really an argument about the color of the tux or is it more about the feeling that the wedding is too formal? Are you fighting about the invitation design or are your parents upset because you didn’t include their names?
Weddings are about the couple, but also about each family. And many families have always done their weddings a certain way. By asking you to include traditions in your wedding day, they are really saying you are loved and inviting you to carry on their legacy. So if the mother of the groom is insisting that you must have a picture in front of the oak tree, or the mother of the bride demands you use their wine goblets, it might be because a tradition is important to them. Finding out the real reason someone is insistent about a certain element of your wedding day can bring understanding and appreciation.
Too often we try to ignore something that isn’t pleasant. When we ignore it and try to push past, we are actually building resentment and deeper hurt. Learning to recognize those moments and address them will keep everyone much happier.
Prioritize and compromise.
If your wedding day will be absolutely ruined if you don’t have large wedding reception centerpieces, state that as a priority to you. But if the flavor of the wedding cake is really not that big of a deal, and he wants rainbow chip, you can probably compromise on that one. Sharing what elements of your wedding day are the most important and compromising on the ones that aren’t is a good practice as you tackle the wedding planning process. You won’t be able to control every moment of your wedding day, and wouldn’t be having much fun if you tried.
Wedding planning may be the first large scale project that you and your fiance tackle together. As you plan your wedding, you are also beginning the process of building your marriage. This involves your interactions as a couple and with your soon-to-be blended families. While it’s common for the bride to take the lead role in planning the wedding, remember that the groom likely has some ideas too. Be sure to have him play as an active of a role as he feels comfortable with. Don’t make large scale decisions without at least running the idea past him. Be sure that your are presenting a united front to your families and respecting the fact that you are now a couple.
Even the best fiance is a horrible mind reader. When you need help or opinions, be direct and ask. Discussion and delegation of tasks will be important as you start your married life.
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Discuss and forgive.
Calmly explained what you’re thinking and feeling can diffuse a situation. Pick a time that the other person would be open to listening and not feel like they are blindsided or attacked. When situations pop up, address them and then forgive. Letting go of an issue is for your own good and that of the family you are creating.
Additional Tips for Wedding Planning
For the bride and groom:
- Decide how much control you want to maintain over wedding planning and what tasks you are willing to delegate to family members.
- For every hour you spend on wedding plans, spend an hour talking about life, your family goals and dreams. Make it a practice to split your time between things that matter to you.
- Even if you think you know what your fiance would want, ask the questions. It shows you value him or her.
- If you ask family or friends for their opinion, let them know that you appreciate their suggestions, but may or may not use them.
- Be loyal and supportive to each other first. Understand this may be difficult for each other when the disagreement involves your parents. You are working on forming your own family too.
- Have frank conversations about wedding budgets. This will be a great way to approach financial decisions in the future.
- If someone helps you, thank them. Often.
- Remember to have fun! This should be a great time in your lives. If it is causing too much stress, reevaluate your wedding priorities.
For friends and family:
- Your ideas should be suggestions, not demands – despite your best intentions,
- If your financial contribution is a gift, let it be one.
- Sometimes the bride or groom needs to vent frustrations. When this happens listen and be supportive.
- Enjoy the celebration of the couple.
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